I watched "Black Hawk Down" a few days before.
I was numbed in thought or lack of it for a few hours later.
I refuse to call it a movie. There were no heros. there was no villian, everybody was a victim.
The movie was packed with Somalians and Africans who I think came to see their country in a movie and not a doucumentary on National Geographic and BBC showing a couple of bent bones wrapped in a shroud of skin with flickering eyes.
I think the presence of these people sitting around me gave me teh perspective to watch the movie. I could picture the guy in Jeans sitting next to me facing those guns back home.
As a movie, it tried to be as realistic as possible I am not talkign in terms of sets and all that but just the fact that it dint condone american actions and it dint try to make heroes out of American Rangers. It dint make any statements about who was the aggressor and who was teh victim, it did make Farrah Aidid a tyrant, for whom even the kids want to fight.
One lesson that I learn from this movie, even though I dint go to that movie for that purpose, is that what gives people like me (I will not use words like "normal", "civilised" even though they came to my mind) a lot of comfort is a small much tainted four letter word called "hope". I am working like a dog and all of us study like hell and work like hell as we hope for a better tommorow from the really beautiful today. Looking at those somalians throwing themselves at oncoming bullets just shows absolute despair, where they have nothign that the future holds, which is better than today.

I am very moderated today not becuase I am bothered about my today but as I hope not to mar my tommorow. When that hope goes from my mind because I cannot see my future being better than today then, I will become one them. I will be one of those countless people who die in Somalia or Afghanistan or Kashmir and I wont even mind being dead.
it was one of the few movies which doesnt work itself towards a crescendo. therss not a sinlge moment in the movie when I got a rush of adrenaline because one guy was killing another 100 very deftly and very posing for a kodak moment after that. This movie looked like a brutal depiction of reality but making it look like a movie so that its distant enough to make you come back to watch it again.

Reality like that doesnt make get word of mouth but I still want you to go to the movie watch it and come home feeling lucky as like me you will get up the next morning and the 465th guy who was killed by the Americans or the rookie ranger who dies in the black hawk will be an actor in the movie who get up after the director yells cut but they will not be people who actually died, people who actually ceased to exist, people who had relationships, friendships... and you will go see another movie think for a few hours. laugh and go on...

Have had this window open for a looong time but nothing worth posting ever came to my mind. I am living a blank existence, working like hell but am I living is a big question? But then what is living? have we made a rubric for us to classify what we are doing and what are enjoying?
I seem to be keeping myself occupied without stopping and thinking about the direction that my life is taking. Should life be lived according to a plan, which can NEVER work. As long as I am (happy) doing what I am doing, should I bother about living? Is living a distinct activity from what I do after getting each morning?
Or I am making constructs as usual create problems where none exist? Or am I in deep shit and I dont even know about it as I am doign things and not thinking and doing?

Or I am just writing all writing to fill in my blog with some pseudo insightful post, a contrived attempt at contemplation, I hope you remember my definition.

I hope "you" remember my definition. Wasnt I under the impression that I am writing this blog for myself and if somebody else is reading is more like a bye-product but I dont think I have ever made a post for myself I always had the "audience" in mind, and looking for that encore.

Stupid post but had to put something, was feeling a little guilty that I havent posted much.
Blog: Thanx for the favor.
me: hehe

I sometimes miss not having a lot of problems as I cannot not think about anything
I am saying I miss not having a lot of problems as I cannot "not" think about anything
I sometimes I even cookup problems and solve them, I am a bad time manager as I lov to teh adrenaline of rushing it up an doing it and doing a good job

Plagiarism I flicked this stuff from a chat that i just had, too many "I"s in the statements but, I think in my whole blog the maximum repeated word is "I" (just added 2 more to the count hehe)

One of my favourite lines, working in a startup: You cannot avoid quality in the garb of evolution.

Another one of my earliest posts revisited:-)

Why do people who were really good friends, just dont continue?
Is that they just move on?
Do we retain the intimacy that we had? yes. about things which dont really matter.
These friends when they bump into each other become: what are u doing these days kinda friends. Then they promise to get back in touch... then thye bump into each other then they promise to get back in touch.... The story repeats a few iterations before they move on, where serendiptity doesnt even pity them anymore.
Do we become more individualistic as we age?
It really pains me that friends who were once dear to me, have been alienated. I am not really ascribing blame coz I am really dotn understand the reasons.
Is it that there are so many things to do that it eats out of the time that we would have spent with our friends?

Is this an effort to just assuage my self into saying that u have done something about it- u wrote a blog? I donno
But life doesnt afford us so many relationships that we can waste due to lack of a minimum effort.

One of my earliest posts revisited:-)

worldywise: so mean to tell me that u dint propose to ur girl friend?
Non conformist: why do i need to propose
worldwise: but arent u guys moving a notch up the relationship ladder?
Non conformist: Did I propose friendship to u, when we moved from being aquaintances to friends. That "notch up the ladder" also demands some attitudinal change?
Worldy wise: But guys have always proposed to their girlfriends.
Worldy wise: Isnt it very romantic to see guys going down on their knees with flowers in their hands...
Non conformist: Ok lets go back to the basics, do we agree that the boy and the girl are in love with each other?
Worldly wise: yes.. so?
Non conformist: Do u agree that people in that stage of a relationship understand each other well? Do they atleast understand each others intentions.
Non conformist: If both of them are in unison on their intentions then why propose
Non conformist: If during the course of the relationship, they developped a sense of belonging, which they expect to carry on the whole of their life then why should the guy propose.
Worldyiwse: These are the words of people who are just afraid of expressing their feelings for various apprehensions. They might be in perfect unison. but if the rules of brute logic cannot be applied to such intensely emotional situations. If this is so illogical, then how logical is love? Can anybody explain to me in terms of physics or mathematics, why two people feel for each other so much that they defy the whole world and enjoy each others company to the maximum.
Non conformist: If logic is not so all encompassing then what is this inquisitiveness of ur to find a logical reasons for my actions?
Curiosity, inquisitiveness, learning, knowledge acquistion. education, questioning, what are all these? these are just ways in which humans try to reduce the lack of understanding of events around them.
Man is essentially a control freak

I am back

Dream on.
Dream off.

Uncertainity breeds God and chance sustains God .

Time heals but doesn't solve.

no. not with me. not with us. ever

Support____Despair_____solution______balance______
suspicion______pride
complex __frustration_____elation___anguish______ thought
_______indifference ______________
__________trust__________choice_________
_____just_______decision__________ _____Time________
______pressure__ _______distraction___love__
_____hope__________normalcy_______
___thrill_______insecurity________friendship________
______________LifE_______

I was I guess trying to tell a story but got the order wrong as wrong as it was in my head

The other day I saw some guy lying on the road, I looked at him thot abt all the reasons why, then I did a lot of intellectual masturbation and drove by. DID NOTHING
What we are trying to protect isolating ourselves from the fabled life is not our life, which is never in any threat. but our life style. Life style of Apathy, life style of self conservation, life style of continuity with seemingly petty and inconsequential problems and all the time thirst for contrived and artificial risks with associated thrills.

It will be too boring to know a topic/ person completely
I want to keep begging thats the only way to keep me interested.

Last Sunday of the rather loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(43 days long weekend. Kick ass time is back.
I hope I can use all the energy to do a good job.

Mreddy got a job, in Ernst and Young, now I can go ahead and take a few risks, I can life off her now. hehe

If only this guy had more time to blog, it would have been "interesting".

Aisi and Adi
From Aisi's blog:
Last day at work. its over. Will miss the place like hell and more. But that will come on Monday i think, when i wake up and realise
that i don't have to go anywhere in a hurry, don't have to run around getting ready and don't have to rush off importatly anywhere...don't have to switch on that machine and sign onto all those messengers and check that mailbox and do all those things that I've so got used to doing for so long....bugger!

There are more interesting things to get used to doing babes.
I am sure all of DT will miss your laughter (read rumbunctious noise) in the lobby, and the fact that you brought down the average in the company by a lot.

World beckons you, go kick its ass, its waiting for you.

Self Doubt? creeping in slowly...
or is it?

Which is better: Emotional Catharsis or Emotional Constipation?

The strangest feeling is tha I have gotten so much used to searching on the Internet that now when I dont have anywork, after I checked my mails and read blogs, theres always something that i needed to search for like some official stuff or some new topic in the world, or just go read news papers everywhere in the world, or replay conversations I have had with smart people on some serious topic and satiate my unending need for information.
These days I have started this new item of looking for long lost friends, people that I searched for:
1. Lata Menon: Hit off instantly even though she was a few years elder to me, wrote letters and called and spoke to her when she was at rourkela and out of the blue she dissappeared, no touch since 5 years.
2. Abha Bordoloi: Very sweet and tempermental gal, I got in touch with during my years (decades) at Alliance Francaise, followed the routine talked for those long hours on phone which was beleived to be the cement which binds friendship, this was more of a Instant drying cement. But again she too dissappeared, this time she was contactable but for various reasons I dint contact her and now she is gone.
3. Meenu Ahuja: If Indira Gandhi was to Nehru, not the paternal relationship but the epistolary relationship, then Meenu Ahuja is to me. I can easily make a book of 200 pages with the letters that we wrote to each other in a year. Things happened and lost touch, but I would love to make another 200 pages book.

Will update you guys on the khoj and if you know anybody who fits the description, hold on to them till I come and say hi to them.

Gartner disclaims all warranties as to the accuracy, completeness or adequacy of such information. Gartner shall have no liability for errors, omissions or inadequacies in the information contained herein or for interpretations thereof. The opinions expressed herein are subject to change without notice.

If you cant own repsonsibilty for the work you have done, why the hell do they charge 1000's of dollars for these reports.

yike says:
but u have to give reason
yike says:
no sayin things just like that
so what if he says:
because the Internet is the calamity for all crows trying to stitch their cars together for sustenance

atheistbishop: dint you promise me to let you call sometime?
atheistbishop: I sound like a drunk divorced husdand with a retsraining order against meeting the kids, requesting his estranged wife for a chance to talk to his kids.
estranged wife: lol

A normal day,
I am at home, I go to work, I come home, see my family and relax and sleep.
100s of porblems I need to solve that I created during the day and yesterday.

Some idiots burns a train in some thousand kilometers away.

I wake up to noises in the street, people killing each other, burning each others houses, looting...
I dont even have the time to ask why? when somebody bangs at my door.

Yesterday, I was tense about pleasing my boss with my work, tense about my kids grades in school, tense about my close friend having an fling. But suddenly, all these problems seemed so petty compared to whats knocking at my door.

I remain immobilised, clutching my wife and children....

Suddenly I am chanting the gods name, praying to god, hating god for whats happening all at the same time.
And realised that if he had the power to prevent it further, he would have never let it happen.