Imagine you have been put to torture
It will cause pain, suffering and bodily torment, but then it take s your mind of the suffering of spirit, so you will only suffer from your wounds till the moment your death. Yet perhaps the main and the most racking pain comes not from the wounds but a certain knowledge that in an hour, then in 10 minutes, then in half a minute and then right away at this very instant, your soul will leave your body. and you will no longer be a man and that is for certain. Your head lies right under the knife and you hear the descent above your head; it is that quarter of a second which is most terrible of all.
To kill or murder is more criminal than the crime itself. Judicial murder is a lot more dreadful than the criminal murder. One who is attacked by robbers and is knifed in the forest at night, or in someother way, still hopes till the very last moment that he will survive. But a "lawful""just" execution, that very last hope, with which it is infinitely easier to die, is taken away for certain Sentence has been passed and the dreadful torment lies in the impossibilty of escaping it; no anguish in the world can be greater.

Definition:
Clueless Control Freak: Who has a habit of explaning everything with a kind of fatalistic necessity when he'she doent know what to say.
-- Tolstoy

"Malelist as opposed to Feminist"
-- Larry King "Live"
Me was dead laughing

I was watching Schilling give his testimony in the congressional hearning, here a few notes from it.
1. You really have to learn how to answer questions from this guy, he fooled so many people by being so precise about something, which had nothing to do with the question, so precise and space enough for a visible chink, which the senate tries to probe there by ignoring the initial question.
2. Under prepared senators, who fish out these reports from Vanity Fair and try to grill these people and get slapped in the end, one of the most important thing that I heard about questioning is: Dont ask unless you know what he is going to say.
3. So many billions lost, a lot more billions being spent on investigation, where are they all going? I am sure the senate will come up with some Mumbo-jumbo which cannot be acted upon.
4. The Accounting Principles like Law is so subjective that probably you need a jury, which might just need to look at Business Sense and Shareholder sense and not those stupid accounting principles, which just perpetuate the class of Financial Analysts in Accounting firms, whose job seems to find "interpretations" of laws.
5. If the CEO of a company says that he has no idea that $700 million evaporated and he had no idea and he is not responsible as there was a committee to take care of it, it just doesnt smell right.
6. Why dint somebody jail all those analysts, who gave 3 digit growth estimates for the markets? Most of the bloody Business and market plans are made based on these Analyst reports. I am sure theres a frigging disclaimer in the end. These are the guys making 100s of 1000s of dollars, should stick their white collared necks out for their projections.

Blank- Thought for a long time- Nothing that I want to post, not even random thoughts.

And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

just lifted from foolmakers blog, sounded very relevant to fill the vaccum on my blog.

Dead mind

I think this babe's blog needs a special mention:
Two of friends' really good friend: Chini
Tho these two friends have been trying their best to keep us from not meeting, but now I have to brave these items and make acquaintance with her.
The reason why she gets a special mention is that we think so goddam similar, whenever I am reading her blog, I am like: what the hell? I had the same thoughts, with very similar words. I concede that she has a better way of expressing herself.

So here's to chini, take a bow, we think alike.... hehe.

Are things as bad as I imagine them to be,
or is it just strange that I am actually pretty ok with it all.

Or is strange for me to accept that losing a job is a big deal.
I have been having a lot of negative thoughts these days,
May be a jobless mind is a devils workshop

There's absolutely need to waste good days "trying" to feel bad!
I should actually be enjoying my placid life living off the severance pay.
But I am doing a few good things:
- Trying to give more time to friends though I might have little to say
- Watching a lot of news and Business that I missed
- Never saying no when a friend wants to meet
- Catching up on reading
- Trying to think about what to think

I am just good at imagining things, which is different from being creative, at which I suck bigtime.

The strangest part I really dont know if I am feeling bad or I am ok
and I guess it shows.

But all in one I am one enigma, cool word eh?
but the bloody problem is I am an enigma to myself.

Just like the driftwood of a dream,
Left on the seashore of sleep.
Just like the words that wouldn't rhyme,
Lost in the desert of time.
Time waits for no one at all,
No, not even you.
You thought you'd seen it all before,
You really thought you knew.

-- Moody Blues

Definition:
Career: what you think of when you dont have a job.

Its one of those times when theres nothing to do.
Its one of those phases when time stands still but days pass in a flash.

Its one of those times when you have all the time in the world and friends are busy.
Its been ages since I said: I am kinda busy will get back to you in sometime,
These days its more like: logging every couple of hours to catch friends online but,
There was a time when I dint have time to talk to friends, now I understand how it feels!!
there has to be a balance.

Its rubbish to expect the world to mould itself to your circumstances,
when things are going well, its rubbish to mould yourself to circumstances, but,
When the tide is against you, the temptation to succumb is pretty strong and inviting.

Its a pain to be internally motivated
Its a pain when you think you know everything that is happening with you.
Its a pain to think that you understand all the implications of you actions.
Its a pain not to be able to say I have no idea what the hell is going on.
Its a pain not to be able to sulk.
Its a pain not to be able show that my days are not as normal as usual.

Sometimes and only sometimes its a pain to be in this state.

Que ton vèrs soit la bonne aventure
Éparse au vent crispé du matin
Qui va fleurant la menthe et le thyme...
Et tout le reste est littérature.

- Paul Verlaine
Even if I cudnt understand all the words in this poem it "looked" so amazing. Doesnt it? May be thats what is surrealism.

I never ever say what I want to say but hide under the veneer of either insight or humor.

This is a chat I just had with a friend of mine just now.
I chose the nick environment coz I was looking to substitute the persons name with anything longish so when I was looking for a word longer than 9 letters so I got "environment" as the response. So here it is. I put it up to so that I can come and see for myself as to how I freak the hell outta my nice and well meaning friends.
Here it is:

So what if he says:
I am in a real lousy mood So pls dont mind if I say Something rude
Environment says:
Oke
Environment says:
Why lousy mood?
Environment says:
What happened?
Environment says:
Or didn't happen?
So what if he says:
Donno what was supposed to happen So donno if it did happen
Environment says:
Vairy vairy vague
Environment says:
Job market being hard on you?
So what if he says:
Nope being good but me too vague as to what I want
Environment says:
Shouldn't you know what you want by now?
So what if he says:
I can get a job but donno if I shud take that job
Environment says:
Don't be So choosy as to be left with nothing to choose from
So what if he says:
No I am riding on 20 boats at the same time but donno which ones to drop
Environment says:
20? Really?
So what if he says:
Metaphor for a lot
Environment says:
Hey, have to go, dying from lack of sleep
So what if he says:
Ok mam, bye
Environment says:
Take care. And i'll call
So what if he says:
I kinda wanted to chat with u tonite but... U know
So what if he says:
Time and Environment never wait for anybody
So what if he says:
Corny?
So what if he says:
Yes
Environment says:
Very
Environment says:
Anything particular? Or just chat?
So what if he says:
Why do u wanna know?
Environment says:
Because
So what if he says:
If its just chat u will go to sleep?
So what if he says:
Yes its just chat
Environment says:
No re baap, not for a while now.
Environment says:
You've given me a guilt complex
So what if he says:
Because?
Environment says:
Because because
So what if he says:
No dont chat becoz I gave u guilt complex chat becoz u wanna chat
Environment says:
I do wanna chat.
Environment says:
Just i'll fall asleep in the middle
So what if he says:
Ok done go ahead I was just pulling a fast one on u
Environment says:
Seriously?
So what if he says:
What do u think it is?
Environment says:
What is?
So what if he says:
Am I serious about pulling the fast one or am I joking?
Environment says:
I don't know
Environment says:
That is why i asked
So what if he says:
What do u think it is?
Environment says:
Serious
So what if he says:
U mean I am serious about pulling a fast one?
Environment says:
No. Serious about chatting
So what if he says:
Is it just chatting or do u think I wanna talk about Something particular?
So what if he says:
I am a pain today think about it
Environment says:
I really don't know
So what if he says:
I am in such a foul mood that I might mess up ur mind or end up fighting with you on Some very inane topic
Environment says:
Let's see
Environment says:
But why general foul mood?
So what if he says:
What do u think it is?
So what if he says:
Its So cool I expect u to be a mirror
Environment says:
Please don't do this to me
Environment says:
I'm terribly sleepy and i cannot, i repeat, i cannot handle this
So what if he says:
I wanna know what I am thinking thru you
So what if he says:
I know its too much
So what if he says:
Go ahead sleep off
Environment says:
Are you sure you're ok?
Environment says:
Kinda worried
So what if he says:
What do u think? Last question?
Environment says:
I don't think you're ok
So what if he says:
No dont worry I always seem to have this tendency of waking up to a new day
So what if he says:
May be thats what is wrong
Environment says:
Not really when you think about it
So what if he says:
I dont want to think about anything I feel like living in a separate world where I dont need to make decisions alll the time
So what if he says:
Decisions which seem very peripheral to existence
Environment says:
That shows a tiredness which is unwarranted
So what if he says:
I will put u thru all this Some other time
Environment says:
Ok
So what if he says:
See I cant even make that decision to let go off u or make u chat
So what if he says:
Fly away like a bird
Environment says:
Interesting dillemma
Environment says:
I'm signing off, sense maker
So what if he says:
Do u wanna meet tommorow
So what if he says:
May be i cooked it all up to make u meet me tommorow
Environment says:
Lunch?
Environment says:
Smartass
So what if he says:
That I am
Environment says:
Anyway, lunch tomm?
So what if he says:
When where and how
So what if he says:
And may be why?
Environment says:
Where?
So what if he says:
U decide
So what if he says:
U decide the appropriate place and time
So what if he says:
No ? Marks u decide and tell
Environment says:
XXXXXX XXXX , 12. 45
So what if he says:
Ok done
So what if he says:
How do u want me to be
So what if he says:
Take ur pick
So what if he says:
The usual
So what if he says:
The casual
So what if he says:
The morose for no reason
So what if he says:
The “I donno wat I am doing coz its cool not to know”
Environment says:
Usual, preferably, but I can handle either
Environment says:
Are you high?
So what if he says:
Yes high on life

It's all or nothing,
And nothing's all I ever get.
Ev'ry time I turn it on, I burn it up and burn it out.

It's always something,
There's always something going wrong.
That's the only guarantee, that's what this is all about.

It's a never ending attack,
Ev'rything's a lie and that's a fact.
Life is a lemon and I want my money back.

And all the morons
And all the stooges with their coins,
They're the ones who make the rules, it's not a game it's just a rout.

There's desperation,
There's desperation in the air.
It leaves a stain on all your clothes and no detergent gets it out.

And we're always slipping through the cracks,
Then the movie's over, fade to black.
Life is a lemon and I want my money back.

I want my money back.
I want my money back.

What about love?
It's defective! It's always breaking in half.

What about sex?
It's defective! It's never built to really last.

What about your family?
It's defective! All the batteries are shot.

What about your friends?
It's defective! All the parts are out of stock.

What about hope?
It's defective! It's corroded and decayed.

What about faith?
It's defective! It's tattered and it's frayed.

What about you gods?
They're defective! They forgot the warranty.

What about your town?
It's defective! It's a dead-end

- Meatloaf

Makes a lot of sense atleast these days may sound like rubbish after a few days.
Definition of the day:
Perspective: One man's poison is the same guy's food the next day.