Tuesday, June 26, 2001

atheistbishopb: Do u think that plans and logic
work every time
double decker: no they dont
atheistbishopb: so atleast in this case a part of
me says that I am being foolish by doing it
double decker: if everything had logic behind it.. this
world would be more understanding... and a
different place to live in
double decker: by doing what?
atheistbishopb: by planning to get out of it
atheistbishopb: actually step by step actions
double decker: If I were you... I'd just let it be...
double decker: you've got to go thru a lot of phases..
double decker: you've got to experience life...
double decker: and feeling this way is an experience
in itself...
double decker: let it be.
double decker: feel it..
atheistbishopb: variety is the spice of life
double decker: just sit down... close your eyes....
make yourself feel the pain... the undermining of
your abilities... make yourself feel all the negative
in every cell in your body...
atheistbishopb: then
double decker: and then just let go.. slowly.. first start
with the tip of your fingers...
atheistbishopb: I will try
double decker: work your way up to your head... and
then work down... let go of it from your heart..
then your stomach... then your kidneys... then
your legs... until you reach the tip of your toes
atheistbishopb: I am listening
atheistbishopb: i feel as though i am
concentrating on unimportant things in life
double decker: and then you should feel different... I
wont say better.. cuz I cant bet on that... but it'll
help you get up and do something constructive...
it'll help you deal with life at that time
atheistbishopb: i will do it and tell u what
double decker: hmm
double decker: I'll wait
double decker: well I wont wait...
atheistbishopb: ?
double decker: just ignore
double decker: anyways
atheistbishopb: do u ever get a feeling that you
are beiong very egoistic and nobody else does
double decker: and nobody else does what?
double decker: nobody else thinks that you're
atheistbishopb: yep
double decker: well.. some times... and I try to make
the most out of it
atheistbishopb: I am getting to very fundamental
double decker: tell me
atheistbishopb: who am i
atheistbishopb: am i who I think i am
double decker: whoever you think you might be
atheistbishopb: or am i what i really am
double decker: you wont know that till you become
what you think you are
double decker: it's all very relative
atheistbishopb: what if I am wrong and I am just
double decker: every cell in our body is changing
every picosecond....
double decker: so we're actually not who we think
we are... cuz we're constantly changing.. physical
changes definitely brings about changes on every
atheistbishopb: so there is nothing called I am
atheistbishopb: why isnt there a construction in
english like
atheistbishopb: I am having , I am eating
double decker: actually its not just "I'...
atheistbishopb: for the verb be
atheistbishopb: why isnt there a I am being?
atheistbishopb: see I am all muddled up
double decker: now that's something that I cannot
help you with... cuz english is man made...
atheistbishopb: so women would have done a
better job?
double decker: and anything man made is prone to
have errors
atheistbishopb: sexist
atheistbishopb: feminist
double decker: well thank you
double decker: maybe I am
atheistbishopb: good
atheistbishopb: I just feel very inadequate
double decker: its' a feeling
double decker: it'll pass
atheistbishopb: without my doing anything?
atheistbishopb: then it will come back again
double decker: its all a cycle
double decker: a vicious cycle
double decker: that's what life's about...
atheistbishopb: i dont like cycles I will straight
double decker: you dont get respite
atheistbishopb: u dont get respite you snatch it
double decker: yes you do
atheistbishopb: and i am going to
double decker: but you cant snatch something and be
happy forever
double decker: whatever works for you
atheistbishopb: see u may not see it but my last
statement reeks of ego
double decker: well I see the ego
double decker: and maybe it's not ego
atheistbishopb: after i told u or before
double decker: cuz if it was ego
double decker: you'd not ever notice it
atheistbishopb: see thats ego again I wanted to
say See it was after i told you
double decker: egotistical people are full of
themselves... and dont want to see that they're full
of ego
atheistbishopb: i am a mutant
double decker: is that so?
double decker: interesting
double decker: what's your speciality?
atheistbishopb: a mutant egoist who knows what
he is
double decker: err... that
double decker: err... that's good
double decker: cuz I dont know what I am
atheistbishopb: but the mutant doesn’t want to be
a egoist for his own sake. the mutant has started
hating the word "I"
double decker: the mutant's approaching the situation
with a different pov
double decker: maybe if the mutant changes the pov
and adopts a different approach... things might
work the way the mutant wants
atheistbishopb: see the mutant hates things
happening the way he wants
double decker: then the mutant's got to just leave
everything and go on a well-deserved vacation
atheistbishopb: mutant likes uncertainty and is
missing the sense of risk and resultant triumph in
double decker: the mutant's too impatient
atheistbishopb: yeah
atheistbishopb: forget all that
double decker: well if you say so
atheistbishopb: see not if i say so things can
happen if you say so too
double decker: I dont want to say anything
double decker: I want to be quiet...
double decker: I want to feel the silence in my body
double decker: anyways
double decker: that's something I'll get to eventually
atheistbishopb: cool
double decker: so what else is the mutant upto..
besides thinking
double decker: I did not know who I was before I
was born... and I will not know who I am until
after I die.
atheistbishopb: 1 question
double decker: yeah
atheistbishopb: if today u get to know that the
aftre life is alomost the same as this world, how
would you react?
double decker: can I escape my destiny?
double decker: can I escape not going to an after life?
double decker: maybe not;
atheistbishopb: where wil escape from there
double decker: so I'm just going to go thru each day
double decker: trapped in the bubble warmth.
insulated from extremes of weather. the
comfort of edges makes me restless. dusk and
dawn both. wrapped in the futility of progress.
atheistbishopb: its like a zoo safe and sound but
noisy inside
atheistbishopb: yourself


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